Day 10: Epcot and Dolly Parton... Wait, dude, where's your Dolly?!!!!

O.K., I'm no stranger to the many fine Disney parks, but without a doubt, the one I know best is Epcot!!! I'm saying that enthusiastically on account of I like Epcot. Our car blew a flat tire last night so they had to send a driver. I couldn't believe it, it was Randy!! And not Randy the limo driver but Randy, our pilot!

I says to him, "why aren't you piloting?"
He said, "I also drive people around in the van. It's pretty much the same thing."



Nic and I gave each other a look that wasn't supposed to mean anything but for some reason we both started cracking up. Randy thought we were laughing at him for being a van driver. He screamed for a while... and then came the water works...

It was over an hour before we actually started out for the park. We had to promise Randy we weren't laughing at him and agreed we'd all go out to dinner at the "Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede."

At the park, the first thing that Nic wanted to do was go to the "World Showcase," where they have all the little representations of countries. Personally, I never understood this concept. What was Walt smoking? Am I right ladies? Tiny Eiffel Tower? Please...




But, since Nic was mopey about the skydiving fiasco and to be a good sport, I pretended I cared about the tiny countries and did my best to pump him up. The first place we stopped was Canada... Nic was blown away by the 360 degree screen and found the presentation stunning and informative. I fell asleep and bumped my head on a hand rail.



After that it was country after country of basically the same junk until we came to Norway. Holy cow they know how to party!! The ride was great because trolls jumped out at you. Nic thought it was going to be a pleasant little boat ride so he didn't take his sea sick medication and barfed up his candy bar over the side of the boat. No one noticed and it just floated away.




Mexico was also great! It succsessfully confirmed every Mexican stereotype we've all grown to love. We ate lunch there too, near the volcano... I told Nic that's where they grilled the burgers and he almost blew milk out his nose!

Finally out of that garbage part of the park we went to where they have the rides! The first thing we went on was "Mission to Mars." It was too cool! Nic was worried that he was going to barf up his Scrod Nachos from lunch but he went on anyway. It felt like we were blasting off and experiencing the G's. I said to Nic, "enough with the G's, I gotta P's!" Nic just closed his eyes and said, "Not now man."

When it was all over Nic didn't end up puking but he still had to sit down for a couple minutes. I told him I'd be in the line for Test Track. He said he'd catch up. I was in line for 10 minutes and I didn't see him. I ended up going on it without him and sitting next to a fat Italian who thought I could speak Italian because I kept nodding and smiling when he spoke.

After it was done I found out that Nic got in trouble trying to cut in line. Security grabbed him and started taking them to their office. On the way he barfed and they felt so bad they let him go. He was waiting for me when I got off the ride. He looked bummed...

I tried tickling him but it didn't feel right for either of us...

I told him we could do anything he wanted to do... SOOO we went to the "Honey I shrunk the Audience" thing.. It was cool and in 3D. Nic got a kick out of the part where they blow air on your ankles and you think it's a mouse.

We wanted to stay for the fireworks because we heard they were amazing but we promised Randy we'd meet him in the lot at 5:30 to go to dinner so we had to leave.

He looked so happy to see us, as if he wasn't sure we would actually show. When we were in the park he bought a little cooler and put soda in it. He had it stocked with Tab and cream soda. Nic and I gave each other a look and then Randy said, "Not this again!" and then he started laughing and so did we. We all had a good laugh.

So, onward to the Dixie Stampede we went, Randy and Nic drinking Tab, and me trying to mix the Tab And cream soda together for a black and tan... didn't work.

Anyhow, the whole way there Randy kept on going on about how great the place was and how it's "an excellent bang for your buck," as he often says. When we parked and got out of the van we were so caught up with listening to Randy that we didn't notice the place was closed. When Randy saw that we stopped listening he turned around and saw that there was a sign on the door and no other cars in the parking lot. Nothing I could write would give an adequate description of the anguish that man experienced then. This was the one thing he had left. He explained how he and his wife came here on their first date and that she had recently died in a cow accident.

We put our arms around him and sat for a good hour without talking. Later Nic and I both agreed it was the most spiritual moment of our lives. That is until the FIREWORKS!!!! We decided to get some greasy burgers and milk shakes and go check out the Epcot fireworks in the Epcot parking lot. Turns out Randy checks out the fireworks there almost every night. We laid on top of the van and Randy put on a Billy Joel tape. I was hoping for the Tijuana Brass but I didn't say anything.

Overall it was a strange day, but educational, and spiritual. AND SO RANDOM!!!!!!!!

Day 5: Adventures with NASCAR!!!!!!

Ok, anyone who knows me, knows this about me: I love NASCAR!!!! Nic and I have been talking a lot, about many things, and what we've talked about a lot is that we both can't wait for rollie coasters. Here's my secret though world, and Nic won't even know til he reads this... The thing I've been waiting for most is... THE RICHARD PETTY DRIVING EXPERIENCE!!!!!






Alright, let's start from the beginning.

Nic and I both tried to stay up late and look through the peephole in the hope that we might find out who continues to slip our daily missions under our door.

We both fell asleep somewhere around the 10-10:15 range...

Anyhow, while we both slept by the door, I dreamed of circling those majestic circles, in my TAB sponsored Nascar, circling those round circles, and smoking rubbers.

Laughs on me! When I woke up my hands were on a pillow! Can you believe it?! I thought a pillow was a steering WHEEL!!
Nic was mopey since we didn't see the person in the peephole. I was like, "whatever! there's alwayz tomorrow!" then i farted and made a "whoops" face. Nic laughed.

Anyhow, I'm sure you've guessed it, oh brilliant reader (j/k!), we went to THE RICHARD PETTY DRIVING EXPERIENCE today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was too excited to put on my pants so I wore shorts. Nic, in true Nic fashion, scolded me for my fashion faux pas. I was like, "what's the prob-o with shorts?" he says, "that's not the prob-o. you're not wearing a shirt-o!"

turns out the little bastard was right...

when we arrived I was almost too nervous to talk. Nic was making fun of me because I never get worked up about anything so much.

Our guide was Tomm. When I asked him when Mr. Petty was going to show up he said,
"Richard Petty isn't coming to this." and all the other patrons and employees laughed at me. Nic and I both didn't get the joke. We gave each other a look and I swear I heard a kid in the back say, "queers".

Well, all that was quickly forgotten once we got on the track. Nic had no desire to drive so he let a guide take him out. He said he almost "braffed." A near by Hooters girls gave him a half smile.

When I got out, behind the wheel mind you, Tomm was so incredibly impressed with my inherent Nascar driving skills that he made an announcement on the PA declaring me king of cars! He forced Nic to sit passenger for a lap around. I was so mad with power that I closed my eyes and yelled, I am Kiiiiiiiingggggs!!!

Then we hit a wall but we're fine.



Just joking! none of that happened. We had to go to Nascar today and we both hate Nascar, but it turned out to be ok and we really did have an enjoyable time!!! Tomm was nice.

We're trying to stay up late again!!!!

Day 3: Hard Rock, La Nouba, and Orlando Bloom

O.K.

So today got off to a kind of slow start for me. Now I know why they called those shots "kamikazes." It's because in the morning, you feel like Japanese fighter pilots crashed their planes into you on purpose!

Nic got a nice early start this morning and got to check out the continental breakfast and omelette station. Evidently the omlette chef, Terry, is another transvestite but I need to check this out myself to be sure. Nic tends to call most women who don't talk to him trannies.

When I finally got out of bed Nic showed me our new mission that was slipped under our door last night: "Rock hard at the Hard Rock Cafe and then get crazy backstage with Cirque du Soleil's La Nouba!"

Since it was already 11:45 and lunch was at 12 I had to get dressed fast and accidentally put on Nic's pants. It made him uncomfortable but I explained to him that we didn't have enough time for me to change. Besides, I only packed one pair and they smelled like lemons.

The Hard Rock was awesome! Right away I knew what I wanted, the "Twisted Macaroni!" I came there with a burg-urge (urge for a burger) but changed my mind when I saw the macaroni was twisted. I love when restraunts make the food sound wild! Nic ordered the Herb Grilled Chicken Breast but got a bacon cheeseburger instead. I told him to have them take it back but he refused, even though the burger was cold... Live and learn man!





Leaving the Hard Rock we saw Nic's man-crush, Orlando Bloom. I thought to myself, "Orlando Bloom in Orlando, Florida? Serendipity anyone? This has to be a sign!" Nic was far too tongue tied to say anything so I went up to him and introduced us. I told him that we were something of celebrities ourselves having won this contest. He told me to leave him alone. When I asked him for a picture he said something like, "Sure, you can picture me saying 'No you can't have a picture with me'" I laughed and then started to take his picture but he slapped my hand, wagged his finger, and then went inside the Hard Rock. I asked Nic what he thought of Orlando Bloom now. He said, "Dreamy."


Later that afternoon we went to La Nouba, but not before we had to go home so I could put on my lemon pants. Anything to get Nic to stop complaining about we wearing out his crotch.


Now, I'm not much for circuses or for French circuses, but La Nouba was awesome! My favorite thing was when they flew through the air and then when they jumped through the building on trampolines! I kept looking at Nic to see his reaction but he was constantly looking at one of the woman acrobats. Later we got to go backstage and meet everyone. It was ok except the only one who spoke English was Palba (sp?) from the Ukraine. He told us that Orlando was like a dream come true. We told him that our dreams came true when we won the 67 smiles contest. I don't think he knew what we were talking about. All was going well but then Nic got caught staring at the same gymnast and she made a big stink.

The long and the short of it, Nic got us kicked out of an excellent backstage adventure but I'll let him tell you about that. I just hope this doesn't get us booted from the contest...

We're here!!!!!

O.K. so much happened today, but first, I need to go take dip in the hotel hot tub! Nic thinks it looks a little dirty but all I care about are the ladies I saw down there!

j/k Andrea!!!

Whew! Anyway, we'll put up more from our crazyday soon...

Until then, here's a pic of our limo driver Randy. He wouldn't allow us to photo his cat...
Too much information dude!!!








More to come soon!