Saturday, October 24, 2009

Day 40! Uh huh we thought so

On our day 40 spectacular we were promised to be a part of the super coolest event of the summer. we were both confused for two reasons....

any how it turned out to be this. the competition freaks being them selves and doing their all....

Friday, October 23, 2009

Day 39: Make fun video

Nic and I got the assignment to "make fun video".

Again, we think it's fishy that all of our recent assignments involve doing things that are free...

Furthermore, we lost our coffee jobs. Something about "defecating in beverages" or some crap...

I was all, "what ev, they're the one's who ordered DEFAC!!!!"

She says, "that DECAF, you maroon!"

I'm like, " Time-a-go!"

and i grabbed nic and went for the fire escape.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Day 38: The She-devil comes-ith!!!!!!!

Today at our menial coffee shop job Nic and I decided to wear suits. We got the idea the night before, after polishing off a whole bag of circus peanuts.

We assumed that when customers saw us they would either applaud or simply not order anything. I mean, who tells a guy in a suit that they want a triple shot, half caf, nonfat, sugarfree vanilla latte? The answer: people with butlers and also people who want to order triple shot, half caf, nonfat, sugarfree vanilla lattes...

Anyway, about 30 minutes into our shift, who do you think came through the door? That's right, CHRISTY!!!!!!!!

At first you could tell she was taken aback by our smart apparel choices but finally she mustered up a, "Oh, hey guys. We're trying reeeeaaaally hard to get you some more adventures."

I was like, "yeah right lady!"

Nic, having a little crush on Christy, said "Oh that's ok. Whenever." And then he gave her a little touch on the shoulder and blushed.

I was all, "What'll it be she-devil?"

And here's the crux. She wanted a decaf, nonfat latte, FOR FREE!!!!!! She even specified the "FOR FREE" part!!!

Nic tried to ring it in but he needed my special permission since I'm a shift supervisor and I wouldn't give it to him.

Long story short, I charged Christy for 5 lattes and Nic hasn't talked to me since. In fact, he's been crying in his room for the past 4 hours.

I think I'm going to order some Domino's...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Day ???: Whatevs!

Alright, so some of you more discriminating viewers may have noticed our posts have become less frequent. Believe you me, this is not our fault!!!! Here's the excuse we got from Christy: "You know, in this economy..."

At that point I tuned her out. I think Nic did too but he kept nodding his head until finally he fell asleep and fell down on Cristy, pulling her skirt down on the way. It was hilarious! She turned red and ran out the door but tripped on the way out because her skirt was around her ankles. She hit her head on a filing cabinet and was out cold. I took this unique opportunity to snoop around her office.
In the middle of this Nic took out his cell phone and called me in a daze, telling me how he just scored with a hot babe...

In Christy's desk drawer I found crude drawings of myself with arrows through my head (no surprise) but right next to them were cut out photo collages of Nic with hearts all around him... I'm not sure but I think Christy might have a crush on me.

Anyhow after her and Nic came to, she told us how the budget for our adventures has been cut (no kidding!) and that, since they're under contractual obligation to give us 67 days of smiles, they have to or else we can sue their skirts off. However, it doesn't say anywhere that the days have to be consecutive. So, our days of adventure are becoming far and few...

You might think this would make us frustrated and want to go running back home but NO! We came here for one reason, to make $25,000 easy bucks, upset the status quo, and maybe even have a laugh along the way.

SOOOO, you'll get your stinking updates as soon as we go on another stinking adventure!


Friday, August 28, 2009

Day 33: Make your own sundae

This morning when we woke up and checked under our door, we didn't find the normal folder containing our mission "O" the day.

Instead we found a jar of maraschino cherries, a ziplock bag of sprinkles, a couple of aging bananas, a half-used container of Ovaltine, and a box of "Frosty Paws," which is iced cream for dogs....

On the door was a note reading, "Make your own sundaes!"

Now, normally we'd be upset about getting another crummy mission and would rush down to Christy's office to give here a slap in the face. Today though we decided to take it in stride. I mean, Christy's got it pretty rough you know? Trying to come up with new exciting adventures for us losers must really tax her tiny monkey brain. So today we let Christy off easy. We slashed her tires and filled her gas tank up with snakes.

Nic asked, "Why are we putting snakes in her gas tank? Won't they just die?"

Being an avid car-nut and snake enthusiast, I replied, "No dum-dum, snakes are already 58% gasoline. Also, it'll be hee-larious when her car explodes and snakes fly out of her tailpipe!"

Nic agreed this would be hee-larious.

Later, back at the hotel, we decided to give the dog iced cream a try. I mean if dogs like it, how bad could it be? Plus, we half-hoped that it would turn us into dogs like in the hit movie, "The Shaggy Dog". And no, not the lame one from the 50's. I'm talking about the one from the new willenium, starring Tom Allen.

"More Power! Arf Arf Arf!!!!"

Instead of getting dog powers we both hallucinated for roughly 5 hours...

I guess I ended up Finding this bunny costume somewhere

Personally, the only thing I recall is eating a lot of tapioca and then going for a jog on I-4

All that Nic remembers is making out with his JTT poster... He now has several canker sores.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Day 31: Trainland International Trolley and Train Whatever

Today we went to the train museum.

I mean, really that's all there is to say about it.

You know, when we signed up for this gig, we assumed that Orlando had more to offer than trannies and dead green berets. We were wrong. Today we looked at trains. No, not even that. We looked at models of trains.

We were the only ones on the tour and Stelle, our "Trolley Tracker," insisted that we take a nap half way through.

The tour (including the 4 hour nap) took around 6 hours.

Nic tried to feign interest but I didn't even bother. About 5 minutes into it I started pretending to cough but really yelling, "lame!" under my breath. Nic jabbed me in the ribs each time for being so rude, but Stelle always said, "lord bless you." She also constantly got after nic for poking me.

Short story, shorter: don't go to the train museum. It's gaytarded and the only thing the soda machine sells is TAB.

Also Nic has a date with a potential tranny tonight...

She sent him this picture, via snail mail, along with the cryptic message, "after"...

That's all the note said.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Day 27: The end of an era...

Alright, sorry about not posting but it's been an emotional few days. Drego died as you all know... We attended his funeral yesterday (the guy was classy enough to put us on his funeral guest list the day before he died). Needless to say, this guy was the guy. Or is it, "this man was the man"? Does it matter? I mean, it's just substituting "guy" for "man."

Anyway, here's the horrible news, Christy is back...

So, since the she-devil hath returned, here comes our cruddy schedule of doing cruddy stuff everyday, right?


Today we went to Toys-R (backwards)-Us!!!!

Nic bought a bouncy ball and then decided to use it as a pillow.

Prior to that (just to mess with Christy) we removed all the seats in our van and threw them into the Atlantic Ocean.

I got a temporary tattoo of a robot that says "Waffles!"

Nic and I both agreed that going to Toys-R (backwards)-Us, didn't have much to do with Orlando but you know, at least Christy wasn't being a total dick.